the real deal holyfield

Ah yes, hello people of the internet, well I was just crying my eyes out like a little lamb (do lambs cry?) all over watching an episode of signing time. Let me set the table for ya, well, my wife and child are out of town, gone a little over a week now, and I miss them terribly, especially the little one. I miss my wife too, but it just gets me thinking about what I’m missing with our little girl. When we planned this trip, we were so young and unknowing (ah those were the days of 3 months ago) but seriously, as a new parent, I think it is impossible to realize at the time when your child is say 1 or 2 months, just how much of a distinct personality this child is going to have at 3, 4, 5 months, how much of a little person they are going to be already! And how you want to be there for every minute, second, nanosecond to record observe and cheer on and hug and kiss and cheer and smile and love. Sigh.

Anyway, dang, I’m recording these signing time episodes off the tivo to clear out room on the DVR, putting them onto videocassettes so as to keep them for our little girl to watch again and again, and honestly, I’d watched bits and pieces, but I’d never really sat down and watched one, ya know? Well, I watched most of this one, and was blown away with how much I was affected with just seeing the kids sign, and thinking of my little girl, and her signing, and her learning things, and interacting with the world, and here I am an ocean away. And THEN the host starts singing this song about “you shine, you shine” all about, apparently, children with disabilities, and how kids do things at their own pace, and this kid will do that when they do it, and it just drop floored me to tears, and the interesting thing is that I was crying not for any type of reason involving feeling bad for my little girl, nothing like that, I was crying about thinking her doing those things when she’s ready and what if I miss them, and crying tears of joy just thinking about how true it is what this lady was saying about “I’m so glad you’re mine” and seeing clips of moms & dads kissing and hugging their kids as they smile and learn and interact with the world, at their own pace, and how blown away the world should be, and is, I guess, by any kid with a disability, about the bravery involved in that, and how our daughter, she’s just so brave by nature, it’s not something she thinks about and does (or maybe she does?) but it is so instinctive, her survival instinct, her zest for life, she doesn’t know anything’s different about her, she just wants to enjoy herself and smile at Mommy & Daddy and play with her dolly and laugh and make cute little sounds and all the millions of things that she’s going to do as she lives her beautiful life.

Wow. I love, love, LOVE, being a father, and I miss my little girl, and my wife, but absence makes the heart grow fonder, although I doubt that’s possible at this point (ie I’m at maximum fondness), but hey, whatever gets ya through the day. Reunions are always a blast, the excitement, the catharsis, the satisfaction of verifying in the actuality what you never lost sight of in your heart, yup, good times ahead, and that’s not to say I’m laying up feeling bad at all times, no, no, I talk to them every day, hear my baby’s sounds and babbles and coos and aahs and cries and whimpers and get the updates, but it just ain’t the same as being there, but I’m a tough one and I do my thing and life is for trooping through and living the dang thang, right? Reeeiiigghhht. So enjoy it, okey doke, more knowledge (or vague imitation thereof) in the next few days.

orrr, something like that. howdy! wow i have not babbled here for some time. well, well, well. yes! i finally told my family, and they were increddddibly supportive, it made me cry tears of joy, it was really really gratifying. my mom responded to the email with this beautiful email directed toward our daughter, telling her how much she loved her, how lucky she was to have such great parents, it was really great. my sister who has a kid has really jumped over the net, researching and learning more about DS, and I was surprised to find out that a friend of a friend of hers actually has a little boy born with DS who her daughter (my niece) has had a few play dates with. wow, small world.

wellll, our little one is doing exceedingly well, she is 5 months already!! wowsers. time does indeed fly. every day it seems like she's doing something new, displaying some new fantastic skill, every smile is just an unbelievably beautiful moment. fatherhood agrees with me to the nth degree. such a cliche to say you never really know what it's like until it happens to you but truer words I doubt were ever spoken.

more news hopefully sooner rather than later. how are all of you? did you go vote? i haven't, but will, throw the bums out, roll the new bums in, or vice versa versace. peace/mahalo/muchas gracias.