the real deal holyfield

It’s hard. There are moments of exquisite happiness, as I rub my wife’s belly & think about the beautiful child within, and then there are moments of sadness, in which I think, this child, as amazing as she will be, will not be quote unquote normal, her life will be different, and then I shake my head and remember that there is nothing wrong with different, different is not wrong, different is not bad, different is just different. And there are incredible amounts of things that can be done for and with children with down syndrome from the time they are born nowadays, including nutritional intervention, mental & physical exercises, and massive amounts of attention and caring, to the point where they can be completely mainlined in with regular classrooms, reading at 3 years old, top of their classes, running around playing, being a normal kid, all that jazz.

But then the doubt creeps in. and the health concerns, despite their supposed reduction via nutritional intervention, the 50% of children with down that have heart problems, the rate at which they have stomach problems, sleep apnea, early onset alzheimers, all the horror stories, all the worry, all the concern, for this little innocent child that asked nothing more to be born and to be a kid and have fun, and what if she has to lay in the hospital after debilitating operations, and she’s in pain? These are the thoughts that grabbed us after first hearing the news, the fear of our child in pain and suffering, which had us leaning toward the idea that termination of the pregnancy was the best, although incredibly painful & frightening, option.

But these statistics about health problems and lack of education on the possibilities and actual lives of people with down syndrome, like certain scare tactic stories in politics and other arenas of the world, are only the bad side, and the real truth (apparently) is that children with down syndrome, even if they have health problems out the gate, can get surgery that has been very refined and perfected to make adjustments for these problems, be they with the heart, the stomach, or what have you, and go on to lead perfectly happy & healthy & productive lives.

And the process of which they rip that child out of a woman’s womb if you do decide to end it. Tearing your child into pieces and pulling her out as my wife sleeps, awakened feeling empty and sad and empty and afraid. Or else they put a long needle into her & kill the child and then prompt labor, which could go on who knows how long and you give birth to a dead child. We just couldn’t do it. We wouldn’t do it. We will have our child and love our child and make the best of our lives and likely have a great deal of rough times and challenges and I think a greater deal of happiness and love and the fond reflection of looking back on the decision we made with a great amount of comfort and gratitude that we didn’t sacrifice what may have been our souls on the line for what appeared to be the better short term option for maximizing our current comfort zones and quote unquote normal lives.

This is not to say that I disrespect anyone that made the other decision. I don’t. everyone is different. That is the road most traveled. And it is the right decision for many. We would not be bringing this child into the world if we didn’t want to love & take care of her & felt very confident in our abilities to do so.

Sigh, I’m done for now. I could go on all day. More later, more nonstop chatter as well as some links hopefully, I’ve got a million of each, in whatever denomination sounds appropriate. Capiche & etcetera…